A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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