So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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