so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
