Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
