what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
