We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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