I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
