Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
