Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
