he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
