omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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