No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
