Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
