remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
