You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
