part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
