i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He kissed a someone with a penis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
