Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
