You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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