For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
