Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
