grandma shit on top of the toilet
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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