Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
