I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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