I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
