first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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