a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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