shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
