I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
