I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
