you guys were way drunker than both of me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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