Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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