yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
