You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
