After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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