you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
