i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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