the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
