Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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