i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
