Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
