The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
