Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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