I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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