just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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