you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dicks are not precious.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
