this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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