Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

(619): View more from California

Cremation, why do you ask?

(760): View more from California

I think we have a bit of a problem

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(310): View more from California

She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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(453): View more from

apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.

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(289): View more from Ontario

Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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(619): View more from California

I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Just pee around me

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?

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