talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
