Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
