I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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